Online Reporter
Mudzimba
Dr Rebecca Chisamba
THIS week, we are republishing letters that emphasise the importance of making informed decisions and understanding that every choice we make has consequences, both positive and negative.
******************
I AM 26 years old and my wife is 25. As far as marriage is concerned, things are going well. I have written to you because I have an inferiority complex. I have five C passes at Ordinary Level, which I attained after several sittings. My wife has a degree and earns a lot more than me.
Recently, I nearly fainted after seeing her payslip. I am scared she is going to leave me because she is more qualified and out-earns me. Any tips on how I can prevent this from happening?
I am an only child and my parents left me in their comfortable home when they retired and moved to the rural areas. I used my last dime to pay her lobola. Please help.
Response
I will get straight to the point. You are creating a lot of chaos in your mind. As of now, your wife has not voiced any displeasure at your lack of advanced education or lower salary. You have outlined the major differences, but I am sure there are many similarities that prompted her to agree marrying you.
Relax, it appears to me you are in love. However, I do admire your desire for self-improvement. Do it for the right reasons: to better yourself and support your union.
In this modern age, learning has been made easier by the internet and an abundance of digital study material. Take another shot at it. Age is just a number. Twenty-six is not too late to start improving your curriculum vitae.
As for the monetary aspect, try to find a trade or project you can venture into to supplement your income. Start small and stay at it. The more things blossom, the less pressure you will feel. Continue to treat your wife with love and respect. Do not start fires you may not be able to put out.
******************
Landlord is difficult to negotiate with
I am a 23-year-old lady currently renting in a low-density area. I pay my rentals in United States dollars. My worry is that I am not allowed to have any visitors. There is a beautiful orchard at the home, but I am not allowed to pick up any fruit from this place. Instead, he expects me to buy from him. Last week, the landlord was even upset that I had bought fruits from the supermarket.
I like the place because it is cosy, but there are more don’ts than dos. I heard from other lodgers that once you complain about anything, you are sent packing. My sixth sense tells me that I need to speak to the landlord, but I really do not know how to go about it. Please help me, Amai. I do not want to be treated as a child.
Response
Issues about living spaces and arrangements are often difficult to deal with. Several tenants rarely find all they are looking for in one place. I think it is unfair that you are not allowed to have visitors.
If you keep the noise down and do not bring too many people in and out of the premises, that should be fine. If you feel strongly about it, approach the landlord and bring your point across.
I think if you do it respectfully, you will see eye to eye.
Do not pay too much attention to what other lodgers say; it may be mostly unwarranted gossip. As for the fruits, you cannot really argue about wanting some. It is his orchard, and he will do with it as he pleases.
The landlord does not seem like the generous type. Continue to buy your fruits from the supermarket.
Remember not to give these petty issues any attention.
If you do otherwise, you may make them bigger than they really are. Lastly, you may want to scout the area for more favourable lodgings. It is important to have happiness and peace where you reside.
Find a place and scenario that will work best for you. I wish you well.
******************
Sugar mummy wants us to get married
I am a young guy and I have a big problem on my hands. I lived a life of poverty until I decided to look for a sugar mummy.
My friend actually hooked me up with the woman. She is 20 years older than me, with two sons, who are both married. She is my mother’s age. Her sons do not respect me.
My parents have branded me lazy and cut me off.
I am enjoying the life I live, the cars, the money and the businesses.
She is head over heels in love with me and wants us to get married. I am, however, wary of this.
I do not love her and I am beginning to feel embarrassed by my actions. What must I do?
Response
I am still confused after reading your letter. In life, you reap what you sow. You thought a sugar mummy would be a way out of poverty and you were right. But you were mistaken to assume there were no other consequences associated with this arrangement.
Your parents are embarrassed by who you became, and rightly so. Her sons also saw past your smoke screens.
It is intriguing that you now want to call it quits after achieving your end goal.
With all these businesses you have established on her dime, do you think she will willingly accept it when you try to break free? You must be prepared for the fight of your life.
Apologise to your parents and everyone you wronged, including the woman’s sons.
It is good that you have grown a conscience, but you sold your soul for a lavish lifestyle and there is bound to be a blowback.
You will also need counselling to re-evaluate where you are in life and what you want out of it now.
To my other readers, please never take what seems like the easy way in life.
Everything is earned; be cautious of the consequences that come from taking what seems to be the easy way out.
Feedback: beckychisamba @gmail.com
