Siphakeme .Mnindwa
Perched on the weathered deck of his troubled ship, he gazed into the abyss of the endless sea, his thoughts spiralling into a void of despair. His weary heart was heavy, yet a flicker of hopeful anticipation glimmered in his soul like a distant lighthouse beckoning through the fog. Each wave that surged against the ship seemed to echo the sorrows of his past as if the ocean itself murmured tales of lost fortune — its voice carried by the salty breeze.
Above him, a flock of migratory birds glided gracefully, their melodies filling the air with gratitude and praise, a bittersweet symphony that seemed to mock his misfortunes. As the relentless waves crashed and roared, it felt as though they conjured vengeful threats from the depths — a cacophony of grief that sought to torment his already shattered heart, leaving him to grapple with the bitter taste of what could have been.
A thrill coursed through his soul like a vibrant melody as he gazed upon the mesmerising flock of migratory birds.
He wondered about the distant lands these feathered travellers had embarked from, their journeys a fabric of adventures woven through blue skies and tempestuous seas.
Their relentless determination to navigate the vast oceans in search of nurturing habitats ignited a fiery hope within him, urging him to embrace the spirit of conquest and to dream of new horizons where possibilities awaited, shimmering like morning dew on a sun-kissed meadow.
Thoughts of conquest consumed him like a horde of enraged Zulu warriors. His mind transitioned from a fictitious pity party to a celebration of progress, protection, and prosperity — the core tenets of a true man. Every obstacle that had once weighed him down was transformed into a powerful catalyst for growth, paving the way for the best outcomes for himself, his family, and those he cherished. He felt a deep sense of joy in being of service while maintaining a keen awareness of the internal negativity that threatened to obscure the beauty of life’s essence.
Amid the turbulent seas of life, envision a figure — who could easily be you or me — perched on the weathered deck of a troubled ship, swaying under the tempest’s force. In this vivid scenario, we gather inspiration from the migratory birds soaring overhead, gracefully navigating the vast sky. They teach us the importance of shifting our perspective and embracing the winds of change that guide us toward new horizons and uncharted journeys.
Last week, we discussed becoming a new man in this new year. This week, I want to focus on a man as an essential element in the family. While the world is filled with negative narratives about husbands, we can write a new narrative when our mindset shifts.
Men can be seen in the way that God desires. Progress, protection, and prosperity, which are the core tenets of a true man, will be a reality when we return to the original design of authentic manhood. These three essentials have been dis-shelved by bullying, shouting, and being rowdy.
Bullying to Pulling
Gender-based violence is a product of misguided definitions of authentic manhood. What people describe as a “real man” sometimes includes a husband who beats up his wife. I am not excluding women because there are instances where men are beaten by their wives, and that is sometimes not publicised because of its damaging impact on the victim.
A “real man” will not be a bully but will “pull” his family towards prosperity. There will be progress in his family. That takes a lot of mindset shift. Sometimes, the homes where some husbands are raised impact their view of “husbandhood.”
Shouting to Shepherding
A husband is not a commander who issues orders but a shepherd who cultivates a sanctuary of tranquillity. Barking instructions may signify a wounded past that needs to be attended to. The example of the true shepherd in Psalm 23 is what every husband should become. Picture a wife who sings,
“My husband is my shepherd, and I shall never be in want
He maketh me to lie down in peace and comfort:
He leadeth me beside the soothing moments.
He restoreth my bleeding soul:
He leadeth me in the paths of holiness for the Lord’s name sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the despair and gloom,
I will fear no evil: for he is my shoulder to lean on;
He preparest a table before me in the presence of family enemies:
Thou bandages my hurt heart; my love cup runneth over.
Surely happiness and joy shall follow me all the days of my marriage:
and I will dwell in our house forever and never divorce.”
Rowdy to Rounded
The socially constructed script of being a “real man” entails being rowdy. It is not only tolerable but sometimes celebrated. In my language, they will say, “amadoda vele anjalo” literally translated, it means men are like that. In other words, let men be so because that is who they ought to be. There is no need for a behaviour change because this is embedded in their system.
This has been a misguided crutch on which we have leaned for a while as men. It grows from the seedbed of toxic masculinity and deflated egos. This kills prosperity.
Transitioning from boyhood to manhood without preparing the boy child to be what God intends him to become is the greatest disservice we have done as society. Boys must be given the key to unlock the treasures of authentic manhood, which transcends skewed social scripts.
*Pastor Sikhumbuzo Dube is a chaplain, counsellor, marriage coach and founder of Shunem Care, a ministry to the involuntarily childless and emotionally wounded. He has published several articles on spiritual care, mental health, chaplaincy, and involuntary childlessness.
