shloboe boe
Pastor Sikhumbuzo Dube, sikhumbuzodube7@gmail.com
As the gorgeous figure passed him, a delightful swarm of butterflies danced in his stomach, fluttering with excitement that mirrored the moment’s magic.
Her presence was an intoxicating melody woven with the sweet notes of her enchanting perfume that lingered in the air, wrapping around him like a tender embrace.
She wore a gown that flew downwards like a waterfall of silk, the fabric shimmering with colours reminiscent of a sunset, each movement a graceful ballet.
She captivated his senses with every glance, leaving him spellbound in a world where nothing else mattered but her exquisite beauty and the delicate spell she cast upon his heart.
In anticipation of the life ahead, the man’s heart leapt into her heart and pleaded for permanent occupation.
The jellying in of the two hearts seemed impossible at first glance; however, love stronger than death cemented the two beings into one inseparable soul.
Endearing and romantic names flowed effortlessly between them, each syllable a soft caress wrapped around their hearts.
To the onlookers, they appeared as an inseparable duo, like two lovebirds lost in a world of intimacy. Their laughter and whispers betokened the passion and unyielding affection that spoke volumes of their deep connection.
Some believed this enchanting moment would flicker out in a heartbeat, and others whispered with a wistful certainty that it was merely a fleeting honeymoon phase destined to fade away with the harsh light of reality’s dawn.
To some, it might have seemed simply a display of pretence—a flamboyant spectacle of affection.
They even earned a nickname, uSekasinama loNakasinama—taken from the grass called isinama that sticks to anything that touches it. That announced their unwavering devotion and captured the essence of their relentless bond as they clung to one another with a tenacity that defied time.
Their enduring marriage transcended fleeting trends, blossoming through the years like a garden in perpetual bloom, rich with vibrant colours and fragrant memories.
The storms raged with a fury that seemed to smother their marital ship in butter, threatening to capsize it entirely. Each wave crashed against the vessel of their union, driven by the relentless tide of societal expectations weighing down on them.
Suggestions—both sage and misguided—rained down from every corner as people offered their takes on rescuing the floundering boat. Yet, amid this tempest, the couple found their love fortifying, growing deeper with each wave of despair that assailed them, their bond becoming an unbreakable tether against the tumultuous sea of challenges they faced.
Looking in retrospect, love has grown stronger with time. As years wrinkle the skin, the heart bubbles with more love. Contrary to popular belief that the honeymoon phase always disappears, their anniversary celebrations have heightened their commitment to each other.
This may sound like a fictitious movie or a cooked-up story. However, this is the reality I have been living in for the past 14 years. I am in what I call happy “husbandhood”. I want to share a few thoughts with you on this concept.
Happy “Husbandhood” is a Journey, not a Place
Having lived a significant number of years, I can confidently assert, based on my experiences, that happiness in marriage is not merely a milestone to reach but rather an evolving journey that unfolds over time.
Unlike many traditional institutions, marriage is unique because individuals enter it with certain expectations and certifications before fully mastering its complexities.
The marriage certificate, which symbolises the union, is akin to a provisional driver’s licence; it allows individuals to embark on the path of marital life but does not signify that they are fully equipped or qualified for the challenges they may face.
Couples must proactively invest in understanding themselves, their relationship dynamics, and the distinct qualities of their chosen spouse.
This investment includes open communication, shared experiences, and a willingness to grow together through joyous and difficult times.
By nurturing their connection and striving for ongoing personal and mutual development, couples can cultivate a more profound sense of fulfilment, resilience and joy throughout their shared journey in marriage.
Happy “Husbandhood” is Not Extrinsic
It’s a common belief that wives are responsible for their husbands’ happiness. However, this notion oversimplifies a complex emotional reality. An external infusion of joy cannot significantly heal a man grappling with his own internal struggles. For a man to thrive as a happy husband, he must confront and address his personal wounds before entering marriage. True happiness stems from within, necessitating a journey of self-reflection and healing that each man must undertake for a fulfilling partnership.
This perspective shifts the responsibility of happiness from an external source to the individual, emphasising the importance of self-awareness and emotional well-being in marital relationships. Rather than viewing happiness as something to be supplied by a spouse, it should be seen as a shared journey, where both partners contribute to each other’s emotional health, fostering a happier, more resilient marriage.
Pastor Sikhumbuzo Dube is a chaplain, counsellor, marriage coach and founder of Shunem Care, a ministry to the involuntarily childless and emotionally wounded. He has published several articles on spiritual care, mental health, chaplaincy, and involuntary childlessness.
