Online Reporter
Tendai Rupapa
Senior Reporter
GOOD communication skills, faithfulness and respect are key in building strong marriages in which children are brought up morally upright well, First Lady Dr Auxillia Mnangagwa has said.
She made these remarks before thousands of people who attended the launch of her educative Afrikana Family Humanism Programme in Harare yesterday.
Harare province was the ninth launch of the popular programme, in the country, with only one province remaining, as the First Lady takes a leading role in mending broken homes ensuring both men and women live in harmony while raising their children in a dignified manner.
Afrikana family humanism looks at the personality of people, Ubuntu/Hunhu and how families live.
Zimbabwe, an African country, has its norms and values, which the First Lady is urging people to abide by.
The programme is addressing a significant gap in marriages and its implementation has had a positive impact, which is bringing families together.
In her quest to find tangible solutions to issues affecting families, Amai Mnangagwa separated men from women for initial discussions before addressing the combined group later.
Some married women openly admitted during the lively programme that they had resorted to cheating after getting a raw deal from their spouses who often left them wallowing in poverty and loneliness to find comfort in the arms of other women.
Addressing the women, the mother of the nation said counselled against any form of cheating.
“Madzimai, I have come to discuss with you all issues concerning vanamai kunyanya varimudzimba. Everywhere I have gone with this programme, all women are saying they are fed up and are giving up on marriage but will not leave their husband’s homes. They are saying we play the same tune, kutamba irikurira and if caught, we start from there. They said Amai, yes you taught us to pray for our homes but we are now tired nezvirikuita vana baba. The women said the time had come to turn the tables as the bird had grabbed the catapult and it was now time for men to pray for their homes. Asi ndinoti revenge cheating haina kunaka. Here in Harare, I have come to hear from you as to whether the case is the same and whether the hunter here had become the hunted?” she said.
The women shouted; “ Yes Amai, ndizvo chaizvo kuno kuHarare titori pamberi and we want to reduce these men to size.”
“This is what I have come to discuss so that we counsel one another and teach one another as women. This is what prompted me to start this programme called Afrikana Family Humanism. Men are on their own discussing their own issues and we shall meet collectively later. My desire is for us to build our families. Are you there to stress your spouses or to build homes? We want to come up with something concrete and constructive. Let’s feel free to vent out issues on our hearts and seek a way forward. As a solution is found for every problem shared.”
Amai Mnangagwa brought along speakers who took turns to address certain issues.
Reverend Nelly Gwatidzo from AFM paid tribute to the First Lady for her educative programme.
“Amai, we are thankful for your constructive programme. These men cause us too much pain, they are real animals. They have lots of girlfriends whose numbers they save in their phones as either Plumber or Electrician and the like. They actually gossip about their wives with their lovers. They pounce on every woman hazvina basa kuti murume iyeye is a doctor, a lawyer or even a pastor. They are like predators on the prowl.
“But as women, let’s talk, were these men born predatory or we made them so? Are we bathing at our homes or do we wake up without even brushing our teeth and spend the day like that until the husband returns from work? Where did you cast the smartness of your youth? Show men that you are still marketable such that he is afraid to lose you. We say no to women who spend the day with a pulling sock in the head and go about gossiping at the expense of cooking for the family.
“The other challenge is that women fancy themselves police officers in the home without training. Men are having dockets opened against them every day by their wives and the bedroom now resembles a courtroom such that even a case that occurred two years ago is pulled off the files in the bedroom. Men do not like this. Fights are part and parcel of marriage but let’s correct one another peacefully and lovingly,” she said.
Rev Gwatidzo attributed most domestic violence cases to the issue of conjugal rights.
Overseer Abigail Masunda from ZAOGA implored women to use their hands and assist men in raising the family by lessening the burden on the husband.
“If a man is strained financially, this leads to domestic violence. The Bible counsels that women were created as helpers, therefore are we fulfilling this role in choosing things that bode well for our families?” she said.
She also spoke about the effects of laziness and lack of hygiene.
Good communication, Overseer Masunda said, was essential.
Similar sentiments were echoed by Reverend Mary Chiwara of Methodist Church who described the First Lady’s intervention as timely.
“Amai, you have done well to bring this programme which returns women to the role they were created for. As women we hold the lives of our families therefore, we must stand firm in our rightful positions. We should have self-confidence. As a woman be firm and do not leave your families because of side chicks. Where will you be going when you vowed to stick by one another? Fix your challenges and seek a common ground. Set an example of how you want your husband to be respected, especially by your children. Do not speak ill about your husband with the children as they will turn against him,” she said.
The wife to Chief Seke, Mrs Naume Chimanikire praised the First Lady for her quest to mend broken homes and foster unity.
She said as chief’s wives they also learnt a lot from Amai enabling their families to live in love and harmony.
Mrs Chimanikire however bemoaned that traditional courts were inundated with marriage collapses, a case in point being that of a 68-year-old woman who dragged her 80-year-old husband to court for pushing her out in favour of a 20-year-old new wife.
“At that age divorcing, what will the children say? Men are stressing women in the homes,” she said as she also accused women of infidelity after many were hurled to court by their husbands for taking lovers home.
The First Lady implored women to vent their feelings.
“Today is our day, let’s feel free to discuss. But are we keeping ourselves safe like doors to banks which when closed are not opened by all and sundry because they will be safeguarding the treasure inside? Now the floor is open, our grandmothers tell us how you aged in the homes and how did you achieve that feat?” she said.
A contributor openly admitted to having joined the cheating bandwagon after being on the receiving end for a long time.
“I am one of those who took away the catapult, kubvuta rhekeni chaiko after being cheated on for a long time and saw it fit to open another ‘branch’. He was so given to prostitution that when he came back, he was spent out and I then sought a pain killer. I was dignified when I got married, but my husband changed me,” she railed.
Yet another woman spoke along the same lines.
“Forbidden fruit is the sweetest and letting go is a challenge. The men are now predatory and we have no option because the time of mourning is long gone. I would make confectionaries and that drove me to being proposed love to by my customers and accepted right under the roof of his house. I didn’t move out and he who feels the heat must opt out,” she said.
One discussant likened men to animals.
“These men are vicious animals; they bring us pain. I built a house with my husband and we had four children. He would phone his lovers in my presence which was painful. He then tried to push me out of the house. But I won’t quit, I will make it difficult for him ndiye achabuda,” she said.
A trucker’s wife said she met Satan through her husband’s waywardness.
“My husband was a cheat and I would be treated for sexually transmitted infections. I reached a stage where I could no longer sleep with him yet we lived together. He tested positive for HIV while I am negative. I then found a negative boyfriend. My husband would beat me to force me to sleep with him without protection. I then eloped with my boyfriend because of the beatings. I am okay with my new husband who loves me and respects me. Love still exists,” she said.
A woman who appeared unlucky in love drew laughter when she shared her story.
“I had my husband snatched from me and when I remarried, I suffered the same fate to the point that I am looking for someone to snatch a husband from. Would you judge me badly if I snatched a husband because I suffered that pain twice? Now it’s my turn,” she said, triggering laughter.
A woman who lost her husband to someone else said he was pestering her to come back.
“But I no longer love him because I am like a bream and he is now like mackerel fish, zitye chairo,” she said.
Men also pointed out issues affecting them, to find lasting solutions.
They underscored the need for cultural restoration because girls were eloping in the absence of elders who gave guidance on how to handle the marriage and to be responsible.
Another man raised concern about the conflicting way of life found in their wives who are copying the lifestyles of unmarried women and those who live a life of show-offs.
“The church recommends decent dressing, but our wives dress otherwise, we are always at war because of such elements. Some women believe it is not illegal for them to quaff beers, hence the endless fights,” he said.
A church elder decried the issue of birth control.
“Our wives are now too lazy to bear children, they give birth to two children and they won’t allow us to have more citing issue of age, so as men we end up going out because we wish for a big family. Some of us have girl children only, so in our search for a male child, we go out there and engage in extramarital affairs. Every man is sexually capable, but the biggest put-off is the talkative nature of the wives we have in these marriages therefore I won’t give her conjugal rights after a fight with her. These women are the ones turning us into animals, they push us away,” he said.
In her joint address to men and women, Dr Mnangagwa gave an overview of her programme and enjoined families to live in harmony.
“The Afrikana Family Humanism programme focuses on families, especially men and women. Children had been complaining that I was teaching them in the Gota/Nhanga/Ixhiba Programme but they lacked parental guidance because there was no cordiality in the homes.
“Women were also crying that men were stressing them and they had done everything in their capacity including fasting. They said men had many homes and women were following suit out of pain. Women told me that they had taken over the baton. On the other hand, men shared that which was breaking homes. As a mother, I say that lack of respect and fighting for dominance in homes are baseless. One party must control the other, God gave us challenges that we can overcome as women. Let us follow the foundation that was laid by our forebears. Let us have good communication to live well and in peace,” she said.
The mother of the nation said cases of revenge cheating were unacceptable.
“Women, these cases of revenge cheating are baseless, stand in your rightful place as a woman. God created you as a keeper of both the husband and the children. You are pained but maintain your dignity because anything outside this embarrasses all women,” she said.
Dr Mnangagwa also dwelt on drug and substance abuse which are wreaking havoc across the globe and the importance of being morally upright.
“Drugs are ruining men. Stay away from them. You women, when widowed do not destroy other people’s marriages. God will take care of you and kindly dress properly. Never deviate from your cultural norms and values. Men cheat, but as a woman, if you follow suit you are shamed. Men promised to turn back from promiscuity and respect their spouses. Imi madzimai mukati you will turn back once men repent. Let not your bedrooms be like courtrooms. Give him respect and let your attitude change. Women are the ones who build homes. Revenge cheating only serves to embarrass us. Men must not behave as bulls out in the wilderness. Leave useless things because the beautiful ones are not yet born. Zingizi gonyera pamwe maruva enyika haapere,” she said.
The First Lady said women must be disciplined at all times.
“As a woman be dignified. Let us build and stay together and let bygones be bygones. Men must stop being intoxicated and look after families. I thank you all for coming in your numbers as we seek to build our families. I also thank traditional chiefs here present for coming to teach men,” she said.
The First Lady donated tonnes of rice for the benefit of people.
In his vote of thanks, Chief Seke commended the First Lady for her educative and life-changing interventions.
“We thank you Amai, we have learnt a lot. You are a very busy woman, but you saw it conducive to bring your programme here as you teach us so that our homes stand firm. You did not start today as you started by bringing over the Gota/Nhanga/Ixhiba Programme which has been there since time immemorial. You tackled all thorny issues for both men and women so that we all benefit. Women must appreciate that men are heads of households as men also know that women are their helpers. You cannot succeed without a helper. I have encountered many cases in my area of jurisdiction as men divorce women yet women do not do the same. As husbands let’s look after our families,” he said.
Earlier, Minister of State for Harare Metropolitan Province and Devolution Hon Charles Tawengwa expressed gratitude to the First Lady for her well-thought-out programme.
“We are gathered here for the Afrikana Humanism Programme focusing on our morals which was unveiled by our First Lady with a view to moulding homes. We are thankful that our mother has come to our province with the programme. We thank you, Amai, for allowing us to learn from you and to have your guidance. It is my wish and prayer that the deliberations of today will go a long way in strengthening our marriages and making us responsible mothers and fathers in our families and communities. It’s the spirit of togetherness that makes us go far, leaving no one and no place behind,” he said.
