Moffat Mungazi
Hie Tete Joyie: I have a guy that I fancy, every time I see him, I get goose bumps, yet it has been a few months since I have known him. We met at a work function and exchanged numbers since we were supposed to do some work for the company that he works for.
We sometimes communicate things that are outside work, and he once did a video call, and I was so excited.
I have checked with him and he says he is not in any relationship at the moment.
I am so shy to tell him that I want to be his partner.
Tete Joyie Says:
It sounds like you are feeling a lot of excitement and nervousness around this guy, which is completely natural when you are developing feelings for someone. It is also great that you have been able to communicate with him outside of work, and that you have already checked that he is not in a relationship. This gives you some insight into his availability, but it is still understandable that you are feeling shy about expressing your interest.
Here are a few thoughts on how you might navigate this situation:
- Gauge the dynamic between you
Look for signals: Since you have been talking outside of work, it sounds like he enjoys your company and values your connection. Pay attention to the way he behaves when you are together or in your conversations. Does he seem interested, engaging, or even flirtatious in some way? If he is initiating contact, showing interest, or making time for video calls, those are positive signs.
Subtle hints: If you are not sure about how he feels, you can start to give him small hints or compliments to see how he reacts. For example, you could say something like, “I always enjoy our chats” or “It is nice getting to know you better.” His response will help you gauge his interest. - Be honest, but take your time
You don’t have to rush into telling him you want to be his partner. It is okay to let the relationship develop naturally. That said, it is also important to be open about your feelings when the time feels right. Being shy is totally understandable, but you can express your interest in a way that feels comfortable for you.
If you are feeling unsure about directly saying: “I want to be your partner,” you could approach it more casually. For example, “I have really enjoyed getting to know you, and I am curious if you ever think about dating someone from work.” This opens the door to a conversation without putting too much pressure on either of you. - Create opportunities for one-on-one time
If possible, suggest doing something outside of work together that is not related to business. For example, you could say: “Hey, there is a cool event I was thinking of going to, would you be interested in joining me?” This gives you both a chance to connect in a more personal setting without the pressure of work hanging over you.
Doing something casual together can give you more insight into how he interacts with you outside of work, and it will help the connection feel more relaxed. - Start with light conversations about dating
If you are still unsure, you could ease into the conversation by talking about relationships in general. For instance, you might mention something about what you are looking for in a partner or ask him about his thoughts on dating.
A question like: “I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately—do you think it is hard to meet someone when you are busy with work?” can help you gauge where he stands without putting him on the spot. - Be prepared for any response
It is important to be emotionally prepared for any response, whether it is positive or not. If he feels the same way, that’s great! If he does not, try to handle it with grace and give yourself time to process. It does not mean the end of the relationship or friendship, but it may take time to adjust if things don’t go the way you hope.
Sometimes it helps to frame the conversation in a way that makes it clear you’re open to whatever happens: “I have been thinking about this for a while, and I just wanted to be honest. I really enjoy our connection, and I would love to see where it could go. But I am also happy to continue being friends if that’s where you are at.” - Take small steps
You don’t need to jump into a “relationship talk” immediately if you are not feeling ready. Sometimes taking smaller steps, like sending a thoughtful message or complimenting him on something specific, can help you ease into expressing your feelings without feeling overwhelmed.
Also, remember that confidence does not mean you need to have all the answers; it just means being true to yourself and your feelings. - Be honest with yourself
Consider how much you like him and what you want out of the connection. If you want to take it to a more romantic level, it is good to reflect on what kind of relationship you are looking for. Are you looking for something casual, or do you want to build something more serious? This can help you better understand what you want to express to him when the time comes.
In the end, being honest and kind to yourself is key. Expressing interest in someone can be nerve-wracking, but also exciting! The best relationships often start with clear communication, even if it’s a little bit awkward at first. You are already building a good foundation with your friendship, so trust that if he is interested, things will flow naturally. Good luck!
Unbreakable bond with father’s family
Hie Tete Joyie: I was a teen mom and the father’s family regretted me. My brother then stepped up and took care of my son from birth up to university level, and I am so grateful. My brother pleaded with me to show my son his father’s side of the family and I refused for years until last year when my sister-in-law intervened. I have a lot of respect for her and I had to agree to their request.
I then went with my son to see his dad and the rest of the family, and they welcomed him well, now the problem is my son has gotten so much attached to this family, and he is always visiting them. He has already bought his dad a car as a gift, but he has done nothing to show his gratitude to my brother who took care of him.
My brother is not well and needs money for medication If I ask him for it he keeps saying he doesn’t have money but on the other side he is spoiling his father with gifts. I am heartbroken that I gave birth to such an ungrateful son.
Tete Joyie Says:
I am so sorry you are feeling this way—it is a heart-breaking situation, and I can imagine the emotional weight you are carrying. You have been through a lot as a mother, and the way you have navigated your relationship with your son and your family has clearly come from a place of love and care. To feel like your son is drifting away from the sacrifices you made for him, especially while your brother, who played such a significant role in his life, is being neglected, is incredibly painful.
This situation has multiple layers of complexity, and here are some things to consider as you process your feelings and try to navigate the next steps.
- Understand your son’s perspective
The power of connection with his father’s side: It is natural for a child, especially as they grow older, to seek connection with their biological family. Your son, having been introduced to his father’s side of the family later in life, may be experiencing a sense of excitement, validation, and perhaps even a feeling of loss from not having known them earlier. This newfound connection might have felt like a missing piece in his identity.
Gratitude vs relationship with his father: While it is clear that you are heartbroken over his lack of gratitude to your brother, it is possible that your son has not fully processed the emotional depth of what your brother has done for him. He might not realise the significance of your brother’s sacrifices, or it might be hard for him to balance his loyalty and affection between you, your brother, and his father’s side of the family. It’s also common for young adults, especially those in their late teens and early twenties, to go through phases where they are focused on developing new relationships or aligning themselves with certain family members. - Express your feelings honestly
It is really important to communicate with your son about how you are feeling. You might want to have an open conversation with him where you express your love and gratitude for his relationship with his father’s side of the family, but also share your pain about feeling unappreciated, especially when it comes to your brother’s sacrifices.
Try not to accuse or blame him. Instead, let him know that you feel hurt and disappointed, not because of his relationship with his dad’s side of the family, but because your brother, who has been so pivotal in his life, has not received the recognition or care you believe he deserves. For example, you might say: “I am really happy that you have built a connection with your father’s side of the family, and I want you to feel loved and supported by everyone. But I have been feeling hurt because of the way your uncle, who has sacrificed so much for you, is being treated. He has been there for you in ways that no one else has, and it is hard for me to see him not receiving the same kind of gratitude and affection from you.” - Clarify expectations and values
You have been an incredible mother to your son, and your brother has shown extraordinary dedication. In your conversation with your son, you may want to help him see the value of the relationships that have shaped his life. Explain that while it is natural to be drawn to new family members or gifts, the people who have been there for him consistently (like your brother) deserve to feel acknowledged and supported too.
It might be helpful to frame this as a lesson in gratitude and balancing relationships. You could share how important it is to appreciate the people who have been there for him when no one else was. - Set boundaries regarding your brother’s needs
Your brother’s health is a priority, and if you feel that your son is in a position to help, you might want to have a direct conversation with him about the importance of supporting your brother during this time. It could be an opportunity for your son to understand the financial burden and the emotional weight of your brother’s situation, helping him see the bigger picture.
You can also express that while you are not asking him to spoil his uncle, it would mean a lot if he could offer something, whether it is financial help or emotional support. For example: “Your uncle is really struggling right now. I know you have been generous with your father’s side of the family, and I think it is time we show some of that love and appreciation to the person who has been a father to you for all these years.” - Reflect on your own feelings
It is important to give yourself the grace to acknowledge the hurt you are feeling without turning it into resentment. It is understandable to feel betrayed or heartbroken, but your son’s actions are likely coming from a place of youthful confusion rather than malice.
Consider whether there are any unresolved feelings you may need to work through, both for your own emotional well-being and in terms of how you want to approach the situation. Sometimes we hold onto expectations of gratitude that may not be realistic or may need to be communicated more clearly. - Create space for growth and change
It is possible that your son is going through a phase where he is not fully aware of the emotional complexity of the situation. He might eventually come to realise the depth of his uncle’s sacrifices, especially as he matures and reflects on the role your brother played in his life.
It is also important to allow your son the space to form his own opinions and relationships, even if that means stepping back from certain family dynamics. This does not invalidate the love or care you have given him, but it might help reduce some of the emotional pressure on him.
Ultimately, this is a tough situation with no easy answer, but it is clear that you have given your son so much love and support throughout his life.
Hopefully, with time, communication, and some patience, he will come to understand the depth of your brother’s care for him and the importance of showing gratitude to those who have helped him along the way.
If you are looking for advice on the tricky situation that you find yourself in, WhatsApp 0716069196, and Tete Joyie will assist you in solving the problem. Remember, all those who write in remain anonymous
