Online Reporter
Mudzimba-Dr Rebecca Chisamba
DEAR Amai, I hope you enjoyed the festive season. I have been married for 15 years and I am a mother of two. For many years, I was a full-time housewife. However, two years ago, I decided to work outside our town as a househelp because things had become very difficult financially. My husband was happy that I could chip in every monthend. I would visit home once a month for a few days. Additionally, he would visit me at my place of employment.
As fate would have it, after a while, my husband stopped visiting me completely. I took time off to check why there had been such a change. When I got home, I discovered that he was now staying with one of the ladies of the night. We had a very bad exchange of words and he vowed never to reconcile with me unless I accepted a polygamous marriage. I engaged members of his family and they said it was up to me to decide what I wanted to do. Did I make a mistake by going to work away from home? Is this the way polygamy is initiated? I am sitting on the fence and do not know what to do. Please help.
Response
Hello and thank you for reaching out to me. I had a fabulous festive season. Your letter made me sad. There is no need whatsoever of blaming yourself for having gone to work far away from home. You did this for a very noble cause and with the blessing of your family. That is why he used to visit you. It is disheartening when marriages deteriorate because the kids are put in a tight corner.
Your husband, in my view, is moving in a very fast lane, which is often short-lived. Culturally, there are certain steps that are taken before one gets into a polygamous relationship. There are also health concerns that must be addressed before committing to a multi-partner relationship. As you are in a state of confusion, I advise you to go for professional counselling to decide what to do with your marriage. Think before you commit. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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My friend took
me for a ride
I hope I find you well. During Christmas, I went drinking and braaing with my friend from overseas, along with our families. He casually asked me to pay for the day’s bill, promising that he would meet his family’s expenses later. He told me he had forgotten his wallet at home and I would get my money back soon. He indicated he was departing in mid-January. We had a wonderful day as we went down memory lane.
After five days, I went to his parents’ home to collect the money I was owed. I got the shock of my life when I was told that he had returned overseas the previous day. He did not leave my money or any message. I do not understand why he did not say goodbye to me.
I have been trying his number, but it is not going through. How can I recover my money? Should I ask his parents or siblings to pay on his behalf? Should I take him to court? I am very angry, please help.
Response
I am well and thank you for inquiring. I am glad you had a splendid Christmas holiday despite the realisation that you had been taken for a ride soon after. They say trust but not too much. Your friend has proved to be duplicitous and at this point, it is not noble to refer to him as one. His actions clearly show that he meant to cheat you. If he did not have the money, he should have said so for you to make an informed decision.
This guy is accountable for his actions. I do not think it is fair to drag his parents and siblings into this matter. Truly speaking, they have nothing to do with your issue.
Taking him to court sounds good, but it is not as easy as you may think. There, you must prove beyond reasonable doubt that you indeed agreed to sponsor him and his family and that there was an agreement in place showing that he would refund you.
I would not be surprised if you are asked for a written or signed agreement that reflects this.
Your best bet is to try to get hold of him and discuss this issue amicably. The last option is to write off this debt and stay stress-free. A wise man knows when to write off a loss. I wish you all the best.
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My boss is cruel
I am aged 25 and employed as a househelp. I reside in the servants’ quarters.
The arrangement in place is that I am off during weekends. I have asked my boss if it is possible for her to let me take my off during the week, and I work at weekends. She turned down my request, saying she will be at work during the week, and, therefore, there would be no one to safeguard the house. I feel I am missing out because all the special food is prepared during weekends when I am away. They eat chicken, rice, eggs and many other goodies. The boss is cruel, and I feel like quitting work.
Response
Greetings writer, and thank you for reaching out to me. I will get straight to the point. I can perceive that you like food, especially the kind that you term special. I suggest you try and buy that type of food for yourself when you are off and enjoy it. I assume you had a chance of speaking to your boss before you started work. This was the time you negotiated your salary, your off days and your general welfare.
Quitting your job for the reason you are giving me does not hold water. It does, however, remain your choice. Many people get busy and tired during the week because they will be working hard. Weekends are a bit relaxed and provide time for people to make wholesome meals.
Your boss is not cruel; you are brewing a storm in a teacup. If I were in your shoes, I would keep my job because it is tough out there. I would be happy to hear from you again.
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